Waiting

Came back from the doctor and there’s a chance I may have (or will possibly later develop) cancer in my uterus. If there is something unusual, it would explain most of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. So now just waiting for my lab results to come back.

I feel indifferent about the news. It would be really unfortunate to have such an ailment at this age, but speaking candidly it doesn’t bother me as much as it should. This ailment & the absence of my presence is what could unite my family. I haven’t done much with my life nor contributed to make much of a difference in the world. I am at peace knowing I’ve loved and lost. My only regret is not reaching my full potential.

In other news, did you know that dish soap can help unclog a toilet?! It was clogged all day and bloop! After 10 minutes, toilet is all fresh & clean and good as new!

Noises

STOP POPPING AND CREAKING! I think it’s my heater and closet. Yesterday night it was bothersome. I was startled awake because I swear it sounded like something popped right into my left ear.

Last night I got annoyed and left my window blinds open which flooded my room with a soft orange glow. The noise seemed to have stopped mostly which I find odd.

Weird.

Tempest

I miss the passionate but stormy romantic relationship I had. We didn’t really argue and it wasn’t awful by any means, just very volatile. The love & trust we shared was so warm and real, and that is something that is very much missed.

It was impulsive of me to end it, and I should learn from this. Yet I find myself intrigued by him. I haven’t learned.

I really want to follow my heart and mend things with him – start over, go slow, build from there. He is honestly a great guy.

But my mind says otherwise. There’s just too much risk. Risk of us failing again, the mundane eating away what’s left of my sanity. Not to mention how fickle I am…

A battle of the head and the heart.

Sneak Peek

A superior has been checking me out and I’ve feigned ignorance for the longest now. I can see you trying to peer down my shirt and look up my skirt! Probably why he’s so nice to me. Lol I could use a raise!