This month, July 2014, has been the MOST stressful week of my entire life. Not even exaggerating. Let’s recap (in chronological order):
- Put in my 2 weeks notice at current job (July 4th)
- New job starting on the 21st
- Looked at, and signed, an apartment lease which is going to cost upwards of 870+ for rent & basic utilities (July 18)
- Car broke down at night (July 18 – midnight)
- Quickly looked at two cars and bought one – THANKS TO BUGGIE (July 19 – morning)
- Sold broken car to a really sketchy guy (July 19 – mid day)
- Drove back from airport from dropping off Buggie (July 20 – morning)
- While driving new car back, it started making a weird noise (July 20 – morning)
- I need to get home tonight with new car… hopefully weird noise is just loose lug nuts… if not then I’m pretty much screwed. (July 20 – TBD)
- Buggie will be back on the 27th, and I will need to pick him up. (July 27)
- Buggie will be gone 28th – Aug 1? for work trip
- Aug 9 – apartment move in date
July isn’t even over yet and I start my new job tomorrow. My car also still isn’t registered (though I am insured, thank goodness). What a clusterfuck of events and what a great way to test our relationship /s
I’ve been doing a great job of keeping it together (all this stress has been making me moody, but I haven’t snapped or broke down crying yet), so I think I’ll be okay… for now. My boyfriend’s been kinda all over with everything that’s going on, but that’s totally understandable. He is my rock and I am his squishy. We are going to get through this.
I can’t sleep. Too much on my mind – money, moving, jobs, self image, car, relationship, etc. This is supposed to be such a big leap forward in my life… Except it’s all extremely overwhelming. Things floating in my head:
- My boyfriend will be gone for two weeks while I start my new job.
- I’m going to be signing a lease for an apartment.
- My driving skills are average at best & I need to commute.
- I need to buy a lot of stuff.
- I’m afraid my car won’t make it.
- My diet has been quite awful lately & I’ve gained 2 pounds.
- School loans are eating at my brain.
- I’m afraid I won’t be financially okay.
- I’m nervous about the work culture & environment.
- Living alone & by myself is something I’ve never done before.
- Will I be able to afford this lifestyle?
- Why haven’t I brushed up on my design/coding skills yet? Clock is ticking.
- How will I manage all my home tasks now that I’m on my own?
- What about car insurance, utilities, etc?
This is just the beginning of it all and my mind won’t stop until I give in.
I’ve had a little change of heart regarding the whole settling down thing. Not too long ago I fancied the idea of getting married and starting a life with the person whom I chose to share it with. It was all so exciting to think about.
Now it’s something I don’t want to partake in, not at this time or for the next few years actually. I’ve really grown, but there’s shoes I’m still trying to fill that will define who I will become. Same with him.
It wasn’t a sudden thing, but a gradual one. And I feel it’s the right choice.
There is so much going on (in a good way, of course). It just feels amazing being in your mid-twenties and finally having your shit together.
I am officially an aunt! Little Rose was born two days ago and she is so tiny & precious. Very quiet (so far) for a newborn. Holding her makes me envision myself and my future. Maybe someday. But I don’t think me or my SO will ever be ready for that level of responsibility though. Definitely not my SO… definitely not.