Kuma

kumakuma

I am in my mid 20’s and I sleep with a stuffed teddy bear. I’ve always had a stuffed animal or a doll since I was a kid. It’s a little odd, but I find it extremely comforting.

His name is Kuma and he is my friend and I love him. I received him as a gift when I was 21? 22? and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Right now he’s napping in my bed.

And you know what? I will most likely continue to sleep with a stuffed animal even when I’m in the geriatric stage of my life.

Kuma is love. Kuma is life.

Ties

We broke up. This time for good, or at least until next time. The decision was one that was not easy, but we both agreed it would be for the best. There was just too many things that didn’t line up and the timing was deplorable… which is ironic considering if we met in the now, we would most certainly be okay.

It was very stormy and unpredictable. So many emotional bouts, but when things were right it was all so, so intoxicatingly passionate wrapped in these delicate fibers of trust. I am not sure how to describe it in words, the emotions we shared.

We are still friends although our relationship remains complex and ambiguous. Regardless, I still care for him deeply. My outlook has shifted on many things thanks to him, and for that I am truly grateful. He was the wind to my flame and has helped me grow in all aspects of life. I hope that feeling is mutual, though to be blatant I was a pretty lousy girlfriend… Lousy and emotionally unstable.

I think right now in this period of my life, my focus is to figure out who I am and what I want. There are many people looking up me, and I cannot lose focus of what’s important. Who knows where life is headed now.

As for him – my only hope is that he finds someone who will love & treat him the way I couldn’t. He is an incredible human being, and deserves someone equally as amazing.

washed out

Break ties
But struggle with chains in life
You’ll always be the puppet wire
Stapled to my heart

I’m washed out
In sorrow and in glory
It’s all the same old story
But this will be the time

Sugar sugar

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Day three of my diet regime.

Very low carb, low sweets. Mid level of fats, high level of lean protein and hearty vegetables. Healthy, right? Except I am craving sugar. Sugar, sugar, sugar. Just a little taste, just a bit of that luscious, ambrosial nirvana.

Did you know that the brain reacts to sugar in a way that mimics cocaine addiction? Horrid, right? But what can I say? I quite enjoy things that are abysmal. Except this time I’m really making an effort to cut back on sugar.

Years

I’ve walked these miles and I’ve walked them straight
You’ll never know what was like to be fine
Do you find it hard to say it with me tonight?
It doesn’t matter if I’m chasing old ideas
You have all your life
I’ve heard it takes some time to get it right
But maybe I’m wasting my young years