I’m in another mild depression, but I’ll pull through. He’s been discussing job prospects and Seattle a lot. The idea of it is exciting to think about. But the thought of moving across the country to pursue a lifestyle and relationship that’s this rocky is troubling.
He gave me a really, really bad anxiety attack, and I haven’t been able to recover from it. I feel so defeated.
“There is no comfort in the growth zone, and there is no growth in the comfort zone”
So I have officially finished my first week at my new job and what a relief! Not going to lie – a few times I thought I was making a mistake leaving my old job. I even contemplated going back. I made a few rookie mistakes. I was afraid I wasn’t able to deliver. I was basically too afraid to leave my comfort zone.
However, this is where I need to be. If I ever want to develop my skills as a designer and artist, this is the correct route to go. If I ever want to be more marketable from an employer’s standpoint, I am on the right path. If I want to better my social skills and expand my network, this is the right place to be. Most importantly, if I ever wanted to grow up & achieve things on my own, then I am doing what I should be doing.
I feel like I’m really growing into this a position already. I’m still getting used to the ropes, but it’s crazy exciting knowing that at the moment I’m managing a huge website for one of our larger clients.
And this is not anywhere near as stressful as last week. The stress has gone back down which is a grand thing. Car works lovely, commuting isn’t very bad, and I leave work pretty content with a mostly clear head. Everyone is pretty friendly too. I hope to connect and make friends with a few people.
Overall I am in the right field, I am on the right track, life is moving forward.
This month, July 2014, has been the MOST stressful week of my entire life. Not even exaggerating. Let’s recap (in chronological order):
- Put in my 2 weeks notice at current job (July 4th)
- New job starting on the 21st
- Looked at, and signed, an apartment lease which is going to cost upwards of 870+ for rent & basic utilities (July 18)
- Car broke down at night (July 18 – midnight)
- Quickly looked at two cars and bought one – THANKS TO BUGGIE (July 19 – morning)
- Sold broken car to a really sketchy guy (July 19 – mid day)
- Drove back from airport from dropping off Buggie (July 20 – morning)
- While driving new car back, it started making a weird noise (July 20 – morning)
- I need to get home tonight with new car… hopefully weird noise is just loose lug nuts… if not then I’m pretty much screwed. (July 20 – TBD)
- Buggie will be back on the 27th, and I will need to pick him up. (July 27)
- Buggie will be gone 28th – Aug 1? for work trip
- Aug 9 – apartment move in date
July isn’t even over yet and I start my new job tomorrow. My car also still isn’t registered (though I am insured, thank goodness). What a clusterfuck of events and what a great way to test our relationship /s
I’ve been doing a great job of keeping it together (all this stress has been making me moody, but I haven’t snapped or broke down crying yet), so I think I’ll be okay… for now. My boyfriend’s been kinda all over with everything that’s going on, but that’s totally understandable. He is my rock and I am his squishy. We are going to get through this.
I can’t sleep. Too much on my mind – money, moving, jobs, self image, car, relationship, etc. This is supposed to be such a big leap forward in my life… Except it’s all extremely overwhelming. Things floating in my head:
- My boyfriend will be gone for two weeks while I start my new job.
- I’m going to be signing a lease for an apartment.
- My driving skills are average at best & I need to commute.
- I need to buy a lot of stuff.
- I’m afraid my car won’t make it.
- My diet has been quite awful lately & I’ve gained 2 pounds.
- School loans are eating at my brain.
- I’m afraid I won’t be financially okay.
- I’m nervous about the work culture & environment.
- Living alone & by myself is something I’ve never done before.
- Will I be able to afford this lifestyle?
- Why haven’t I brushed up on my design/coding skills yet? Clock is ticking.
- How will I manage all my home tasks now that I’m on my own?
- What about car insurance, utilities, etc?
This is just the beginning of it all and my mind won’t stop until I give in.