Deity

I’m in another mild depression, but I’ll pull through. He’s been discussing job prospects and Seattle a lot. The idea of it is exciting to think about. But the thought of moving across the country to pursue a lifestyle and relationship that’s this rocky is troubling.

Pulled Through

“There is no comfort in the growth zone, and there is no growth in the comfort zone”

So I have officially finished my first week at my new job and what a relief! Not going to lie – a few times I thought I was making a mistake leaving my old job. I even contemplated going back. I made a few rookie mistakes. I was afraid I wasn’t able to deliver. I was basically too afraid to leave my comfort zone.

However, this is where I need to be. If I ever want to develop my skills as a designer and artist, this is the correct route to go. If I ever want to be more marketable from an employer’s standpoint, I am on the right path. If I want to better my social skills and expand my network, this is the right place to be. Most importantly, if I ever wanted to grow up & achieve things on my own, then I am doing what I should be doing.

I feel like I’m really growing into this a position already. I’m still getting used to the ropes, but it’s crazy exciting knowing that at the moment I’m managing a huge website for one of our larger clients.

And this is not anywhere near as stressful as last week. The stress has gone back down which is a grand thing. Car works lovely, commuting isn’t very bad, and I leave work pretty content with a mostly clear head. Everyone is pretty friendly too. I hope to connect and make friends with a few people.

Overall I am in the right field, I am on the right track, life is moving forward.

Horror

This month, July 2014, has been the MOST stressful week of my entire life. Not even exaggerating. Let’s recap (in chronological order):

  1. Put in my 2 weeks notice at current job (July 4th)
  2. New job starting on the 21st
  3. Looked at, and signed, an apartment lease which is going to cost upwards of 870+ for rent & basic utilities (July 18)
  4. Car broke down at night (July 18 – midnight)
  5. Quickly looked at two cars and bought one – THANKS TO BUGGIE (July 19 – morning)
  6. Sold broken car to a really sketchy guy (July 19 – mid day)
  7. Drove back from airport from dropping off Buggie (July 20 – morning)
  8. While driving new car back, it started making a weird noise (July 20 – morning)
  9. I need to get home tonight with new car… hopefully weird noise is just loose lug nuts… if not then I’m pretty much screwed.  (July 20 – TBD)
  10. Buggie will be back on the 27th, and I will need to pick him up. (July 27)
  11. Buggie will be gone 28th – Aug 1?  for work trip
  12. Aug 9 – apartment move in date

July isn’t even over yet and I start my new job tomorrow. My car also still isn’t registered (though I am insured, thank goodness). What a clusterfuck of events and what a great way to test our relationship /s

I’ve been doing a great job of keeping it together (all this stress has been making me moody, but I haven’t snapped or broke down crying yet), so I think I’ll be okay… for now. My boyfriend’s been kinda all over with everything that’s going on, but that’s totally understandable. He is my rock and I am his squishy. We are going to get through this.

Another Sleepless Night

I can’t sleep. Too much on my mind – money, moving, jobs, self image, car, relationship, etc. This is supposed to be such a big leap forward in my life… Except it’s all extremely overwhelming. Things floating in my head:

  1. My boyfriend will be gone for two weeks while I start my new job.
  2. I’m going to be signing a lease for an apartment.
  3. My driving skills are average at best & I need to commute.
  4. I need to buy a lot of stuff.
  5. I’m afraid my car won’t make it.
  6. My diet has been quite awful lately & I’ve gained 2 pounds.
  7. School loans are eating at my brain.
  8. I’m afraid I won’t be financially okay.
  9. I’m nervous about the work culture & environment.
  10. Living alone & by myself is something I’ve never done before.
  11. Will I be able to afford this lifestyle?
  12. Why haven’t I brushed up on my design/coding skills yet? Clock is ticking.
  13. How will I manage all my home tasks now that I’m on my own?
  14. What about car insurance, utilities, etc?

This is just the beginning of it all and my mind won’t stop until I give in.