I cannot keep doing this. It’s driving me CRAZY.
All I want to do is work out, lay in the sun, have sex, sleep, and sip on caffeinated drinks.
My mind is stuck in a far away place. My thoughts are all scattered today and my focus just isn’t with me.
I think I have an egg (and maybe tuna) allergy. That is the saddest thing because I quite like chomping down on eggs. Eating tuna makes my throat feel as if there’s a lump which isn’t a good sign. Note to self: Cut out eggs, milk, and tuna.
“I fought marriage for the longest time … [because] I saw it as a meaningless formality, [but] there’s a comfort in knowing that you’re sworn to someone else”.
A recent hobby of mine has been video gaming. I quite enjoy the fantasy and fulfillment from gaming because for a few hours a day, I can escape my mundane and predictable life and just be something, someone. I have a partner who truly values me, a home, I can go and do whatever my heart desires. It’s everything one could possibly want that they cannot have in real life. The scenery is beautiful.
And then it’s over and you’re back to reality.
I wish I could be a Joan, but let’s face it… I am such a Peggy Olson.
I had a dream last night that included red skies, a tornado, and some chaos. The tornado was far off and pretty small, but came towards my parents house and we all ran inside. There was a lot of wind, a lot of commotion.
Which means… it’s going to get real stressful real quick.
I really do miss the sounds of summer.
I’ve been hiding away indoors all winter and it’s making me feel so starved of attention, of affection. My charm and foxyness is completely dead, and it doesn’t really help having a partner who kind of shoos you away too. You can’t help but feel inferior. I miss being feminine and dressing up. I wish I had someone who admired that and that likes a lady in lingerie, in dresses, in heels. It’s sad
I’m not sure what to do.
I don’t want to stay put because it’s lonesome and I don’t really like this part of town. I also don’t want to move in with my parents, nor am I sure I want to participate in being a partial homeowner. Having my own apartment also makes me feel questionable – it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.
Also, I need to stop being a hero to everyone and let them fight their own battles sometimes. It just makes me feel bad.